Independance
I had a falling out with my mother… again… for the last time.
Happy New Year! Or is it? It seems misfortune prowl upon the unwary during these times. Like a lion upon gazelles crowding upon a water hole, the din and glare of festive fireworks has made people unwary… unwary of the problems of the world, the predicament of our environment, the demoralization of society, the whines of babies discarded like chewing gums, and the feuds within the family to name a few. Yet when these problems like sands on the beach are summed and counted from all over the world, it would be apparent that mankind has little to rejoice over. But who cares, let’s burn some money…
Dad’s colleague uncle Kelvin has just been promoted. A jolly young man with an avid interest in racing cars, uncle Kelvin invited our family over to dinner. It was new year’s eve.
The weather was cold, it was drizzleling. The time was 6pm. Dressing our best, we were going to uncle Kelvin’s house. Outside my home, a very mentally disturbed mom entered the car and started a debate about how God blesses her and curses me … With quotations from her lala housewife friends whom she held an interest of spilling all our family problems to, she eloquently attempted to justify her position as an omnipotent being, and me as a well, omninotpotent being.
And so the car did not move for another 5 minutes or so as dad sort of like waited for her to get off the car as she continued rambling.
As the bible says, a tiny spark is all that is needed to set a great forest on fire. I am partly to blame for all this happening but I have decided on my stand. I will give my mother the silent treatment for 10 years, and I will not have anything to do with her, nor eat her food, nor take any favors from her whatsoever, lest she starts confessing my sins of being an ungrateful brat…
Although all this nonsense was prompted by an insignificant event, my conflicts with my mother started from a very young age. I never had a happy childhood at home, humiliation and derogation reign supreme in my household, thanks to my mother. It is often said that child abusing tendencies are inherited. I believe this fact is well validated. My mother was given away at a young age to another family, and I suppose that did not bring her fond memories as well. However that is no excuse for the neglect and subjugation of her own offspring. Sad to say, what’s done is done, and I unfortunately have been influenced in a very negative way by all this upbringing. If I would pass on these tendencies as well, sigh, I wonder whether I should have children..
I was rearranging my closet that day. Cleaning out my closet if you will. And so naturally, I had a great deal of junk of which I needed to dispose of. My mother came into the picture and started a lecture about 10 reasons why you’re so stupid to throw them away. And naturally, having countless time being pushed around, I retaliated… and naturally said lots of bad things. The next thing I knew, my mom was in her room calling up all her friends to spread the good news, that she found another major flaw in her son…
Back at the car, mom was still babbling away. Dad certainly wasn’t happy. Thanks to all the stress from this family feud, dad lost focus when he was driving and a motorcycle rammed into his new Toyota Innova when he was making a U turn. Thankfully the car was very strong built. But an inauspicious dent remains at the driver’s door. It must be supremely frustating to have your new car dented…
Finally dad started the car, and we were well on our way to Segambut where uncle Kelvin’s house was. In front of other people, mom became as timid as a mouse. It was a most generous 8 course dinner, filled with crabs, prawns, chicken, abalone and sumptious chinese dishes. Because I was sitting at the ‘children’s’ table, there were certainly no competitions for the food. Like a high efficiency super silent meat grinder, I made all the dishes on the table disappear one by one as the ‘little’ (11-14 years old) children around me gaze at me in awe, mouth ajar, stomach bloated (literally).. lol
After the meal, we went to the house of uncle Kelvin’s friend. There we had the count down to 2006 and yada yada, normal stuff. Dad and his colleagues were in a light party mood.. toasting wine and getting drunk. Which reminds me of a story I once read about the effect of men drinking alcohol. The men will have the characteristics of 3 animals namely the fox, the wolf, and the pig. After the first glass the men will praise each other in a crafty manner like foxes wagging their tails. After another they get very drunk and start attacking each other blindly like wolves, finally when they continue drinking until they’re as drunk as dirt, they’ll become like pigs snorting around in the mud. Fortunately the toasts of alcohol that day did not go beyond the phase of the fox.. lol. Later they men had a karaoke session, dad obviously wasn’t the next Malaysian Idol. It was ammusing though, watching dad and his colleagues sing using fellato voices when they can’t reach the pitch of most of the songs.
Back at home, I realized that I’m now unofficially 18 years old. I need to be mature, and I need to be independant. Deep inside my heart though, some of my teenage aspirations are still unfulfilled… deep inside my heart they have been stuffed to the brim for a long time. Its time I clean out the closet again.. haha
Although I was unsuccessful in securing a scholarship to study abroad, I can just as well learn to be independant first starting from my own home. And in my room, where lies fertile resources for the betterment of my proficiencies, I shall dwell.
While it may seem that I am spilling my personal problems on a public blog. I am actually addressing a very public problem and relating to it a personal way. There’s no point carrying and hiding my past unto the grave, because the being called Man was never made to be a hermit, but to share and express his views and feelings… freely, empathically and respectfully. Anyway, after some deep thought and the death of my grand father, it becomes apparent to me, that if life was justified by its end, then we have only death to look upon. But if life was a continuos process of learning and maturing and serving our Creator, then we have a purpose in life, and we all need one of these…
So you see, it had been a most interesting new year’s eve. And the cards have been laid out, in light of the new year, new challenges arise, a call to advance, an endowment of new found responsibility
What’s YOUR new year’s resolution? xD
