Whose life is it anyway?

All eyes on the game. Player A is losing like crazy despite having practiced with a frequency of 9218730197 hertz. The cameras gleefully capture every shot of downfall that permeates from player A. Meanwhile, victorious music play behind player B. Player A wished for a requiem…

In a society of castes, the intellectuals sit on everyone’s heads. Exerting a band of infinite displacement from everyone else, they often inspire nefarious stares and resentment. Expiring poison akin to sewer fumes and under the guise of humility, they subconsciously inject into anything living nearby - diminishment. Making them wish for a requiem…

I wish for a requiem, sometimes.

I wish I have something more inspiring to write at the moment but my mind is full of morbid stares. Happiness may be a state of mind but my mind isn’t exactly in a desirable state at the moment. Preparing for STPM takes planning, dedication, initiative, and hardwork. Yet how these things elude me. Racial statistics of local university admissions run me over like a truck. Yet how well I am still able to fake this motivation to study. Opportunities to affect change past me by. Yet how well I’m taking it. I feel like I’m choking, drowning in my own blood. Now I understand what Chan Kong meant about the feeling of drowning in the middle of an ocean…

It will be so easy if I just said,

I chose to be miserable.

Hmm.. on second thought that does have truth to it.. let’s see what other things I chose.

- I chose to not live by a set of personal rules

- I chose to delay understanding in class lessons, not revising everyday, believing that revising too early will lead to me forgetting it later on

- I chose to not follow a study schedule

- I chose to not do the important things as soon as possible in an organized manner

- I chose to spend 80% of my time thinking of inspiring aphorisms that might miraculously ‘cure’ my situation

- I chose to not take direct responsibility for my actions, subconsciously holding a banner that writes ‘ignorance is bliss’

- I chose to ignore common sense and be pulled by strings of the social mirror

And above all, I chose to pretend I did not make all these choices at all.

No wonder I’m miserable.

and to think.. the irony of it all……………….

…

I CHOSE to wonder WHY I’m miserable..

lol

-

The supreme power of choice…  last time I wielded it, almost brought about armageddon. But I suppose I should’ve learnt from past mistakes.. improve my knowledge and skill of wielding this power.. and with time convert it into a force that will accelerate me towards my dreams.

Yea I know I initially wished for a requiem but I do not wish to die yet.

dream as if you’ll live forever, live as though you’ll die today…

Enough of wishing.

It’s about time I accept my responsibilities. Herein lies the beauty of choking.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 11th, 2006 at 7:37 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.